What I wanted 

What I wanted? What didn’t I want?! What I really wanted. . . 

I wanted to be a dancer, ballet, ballroom, I wanted to wear beautiful gowns, be twirled around to amazing music, have the grace to make the right steps, knowing how to dance with a partner. I wanted to dance, with someone, alone, it didn’t really matter. I wanted to be wrapped in the music and lose control over my movements and just flow, spin, step, sass my dress, just to feel and be with the music. I dance around my house, I think about dance lessons, I remember it can wait, for now it can wait, I have more important things to do, but I still dance, with my husband, by myself. 

I also wanted to be a famous athlete. I wanted to play professional softball bi was going to turn A League of Their Own into the real thing, a real major league for women’s ball. I wanted to play until I couldn’t remember how to hold a bat. 

Dirt in the skirt!! 

We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!! 

The smell of the dirt, the sound of the ball cracking on a bat, the chants, the blood, the weird scars and bruises. 

I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write and live somewhere amazing like Carrie Bradshaw and just write; crap, fluff, amazing things. I want Oprah to love my book and have that big “O” right there on the cover, I wanted it to be her favorite thing. That’s still a tangible goal. I was a ghostwriter for awhile, edited here and there, kept my work to myself. That stupid fear always butting in. But the possibilities are endless and the outcome is looking good. Reading, writing, listening, typing. Soon to be learning. 

I want to be a therapist. I’ve been in therapy for 20 years, actually, it’s over 20 years, and I’m not even 30 yet. I want to help people. I know how hard it is to find a person who are able to open up to and feel absolutely comfortable with, someone who can tell the truth and help you, be neutral and understanding, helping families, individuals, children, older people. 

I also wanted to live in the woods. I wanted many things. I still do. But…

Anything is possible, I just have to start my journey and see where I end up. Just like Tolken said, “Not all those who wander are lost.”

I think he’s onto something 

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