Do you ever wonder…

How did I get here? 

Where is here? What is here?

I thought what I was going through is normal; define normal. 

Why do we hide ourselves? What’s the fear from?

House, kids, marriage, bills, responsibilities, stress, goals, broken dreams, new dreams, speed bumps, life tests, blended, shortcuts, health scares, fights, make ups, laughs, success, victory, let down, fear, out of left field, heartache, good deeds, new adventures, fail better, new example, fall down, stand up, keep fighting, day in, day out, struggle, auto pilot, bruises, lay down, wake up, do better, chin up, exhaustion, Blood, sweat, tears, letting go, moving on, smile pretty, keep going, don’t stop, won’t stop, legs buckling, mind racing, wall. 

Life. 

The fog of life consumed me. Better yet, jello, kind of moving, mostly floating. 

How did we get here?

Choices. 

Good, bad, fast, loud, follower, leader, choices. 

We all make them. Some could make identical choices and still end up with different results. 

When does life really begin? 

Independently, after kids, after marriage, 30, 40, 70?

New chapters. 

Always opening and closing and turning pages. Flipping and browsing and shuffling through. Writing new ones and wishing to delete old ones. 

Life. 

That’s what it is. The continuing rotation of events on a daily basis. 

Chaos. Daily chaos. Here. There. All around. Chaos. 

Where is the balance? 

Face your fears, jump in, you’ll never know until you try. 

I hope it works. 

Where did the fire inside go? 

Did I let my sadness consume it? The damn must be holding back an ocean. It must have overflowed its space. 

But I was happy. Really. Truely.

I married my best friend. Our kids are our kids, they push buttons and test boundaries but we love them. Probabky a little too much.

Was I trying too hard? Was I really that lost?

I’m under construction. A working masterpiece. Little by little. I’ll get there. 

Baby steps. 

Positive thoughts. 

How much lighter will I feel?

Will my worry and stress be easier to control? 

Will I be able to be detached from the outside world for 8 days?

This is what I need. 

I need to be better. I need help. I need answers. I need to be free of this weight. I’m on a journey to heal the broken past. I will triumph. Victory runs through my veins. I will find my potential again. I will be better; for my husband, my children, my family. 

I hope I bring enough journals. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: